So in this age and time, guys are still playing tricks, using that annoying line. You know now, that very annoying line. Imagine! You know the line now? How can you not know the line? That line that jolts you back to reality; that makes you start to realize that you have been wasting your time all along…
It will usually go something like:
‘Why are you even complaining sef, shebi I never asked you out. I thought we were just “chilling…”’
You said? I si? Ehn? Tu as dit? I don’t understand. Je ne comprend pas.
Repetez s’il vous plait! Please just say it again, lemme hear you.
(Very slowly this time) Yooou thoooought, we weeere juuuust ‘chilling’?
‘See Haych Eye Elu Elu Eye Een Gee’ – ‘Chilling’.
‘Thunder fire you there! Monkey!, Ekwe nsu!’ (In the most Igbotic accent I can muster)
See me see trouble o. Shebi I was just chilling with my friends at the club, on my own (Yes, I was chilling, there is a big difference *rolling my eyes*). You came to meet me. You introduced yourself. I responded. We talked all night. It was even you that pointed out how unbelievable our conversation was. How did you even say it sef?:
It’s been a magical evening, it’s like we’ve known each other for decades. Please lemme get to know you’.
I did not know you were just speaking English Language. You asked for my number and I gave you because…, well, because… (let’s leave that matter for now).
Anyways fast forward to now (180 days down the line), we talk every day, text every second. We send each other funny pictures of ourselves. We went to cinema, not once, not twice. We went to the beach,
I ran and you pursued me, you caught me and tickled me (we acted better Naija film). Ahnahn! Even Kunle was there, that he was even making fun of us and saying ‘This kain love, na wa o, serious lovu nwatintin’.
You introduced me to your friends, even your colleagues now call me when they can’t get a hold of you. For Pete’s sake! I met your parents. Your mummy gave me one of her old trinkets, your sisters even pointed out that it was real gold. Your daddy always dashes me money when I visit, and never fails to remind me to greet my parents.
Oya explain to me how this one is now ‘chilling’?
‘You never asked me out’… And so?
That one does not mean anything. Where is the real explanation?
You presented yourself to me as bae. All those nights that you were sending me voice notes, forming sexy bedroom voice, you did not know we were just ‘chilling’ abi? When we were talking about how many children we would like to have I remember you said ‘Ah! No baby mi, you have to have three of my babies’.
Look at this frog o!
All the lies I told at work and at home to come and spend time with you, why didn’t you tell me then that ‘ah! babes please don’t waste your time or stress yourself over me, since we are just “chilling”’. It would have been better now.
Now trying to figure out the next move for my life, I just said lemme just ask for your input since we are doing the ‘D’ word. All of a sudden, you start forming vex, saying I’m disturbing you. Then you open that your lousy mouth and utter those words…
‘Why are you complaining sef, shebi I never asked you out. I thought we were just “chilling”’.
‘Chilling’? As in wait, ‘chilling’?
I did not know that you thought I was that jobless, that I just want to be ‘chilling’ with you.
Am I a refrigerator?
Do I look like a cooler to you?
Am I AC?
Why in the world will I just be ‘chilling’ with you?. Look at all my friends that have been complaining that I don’t have their time again since I met you, shebi I would have just been chilling with them. Now you have turned me to a chiller. God will not forgive you.
It’s not that hard now. You could have just mentioned that ‘A
h, my dear I just wanna “chill” with you’, at least I would have prepared myself, and added you to my list of chillers. If after that I decide to be foolish and be chilling with you, at least I can start arranging buckets for when the crying begins.
But you sha wanted to eat your cake and have it. Playing the dutiful, committed guy, without saying anything, letting me believe I had found a man…
Don’t even tell me that I am impatient. Impatient because I dared to ask after 180 days where we are heading. Every smart investor likes to know what the potential for business success is…
‘O ko ni daradara pelu nyin!’. ‘It will not be well with you o!’.
So that’s how if I did not ask you, we would have just been ‘chilling’ like ice block.
There is God o!